The Liar

His name was Chris, and he had just joined the dating site and was doing some browsing when he stumbled upon my profile. We had so many things in common that he couldn't resist sending me a message. "It seems like we're in the same place in life and looking for the same things," he wrote me.

So I took a quick look at his profile and I didn't notice any immediate deal breakers. I read about him and he seemed like a pretty decent guy. Definitely good on paper.  Then I scrolled down and read that his political views are conservative. Hm... I'm fairly liberal, and having relatives that are conservative and ultraconservative, I know I'd prefer someone who shared similar views.  I wrote him back agreeing that we do have a lot in common, but we may not get along because of our differing political viewpoints.

Chris wrote back saying that he votes Republican primarily for business-related issues, but that he's pretty open-minded when it comes to social aspects. "Are you worried that our votes would cancel each other out?" he joked. "Don't count me out just because I voted for McCain in the last election.  Besides, Republicans have been sorely disappointing me lately." 

Maybe the political viewpoint thing is kind of stupid.  Especially if what he says about his views on social issues is true. Alright, I won't count him out just yet.

So we get to talking and I find out some interesting things about him.  He originally wanted to be a cop but I guess he got scared off when he did his first ride along (kinda funny). Then he found a happy medium as a fraud investigator. Fighting bad guys from behind a computer screen! How sexy! ;) He loves to cook and would like to open a restaurant when he retires.  So the guy's got a good job, he's educated, he can cook, he's attractive, and he has long term goals... He sounded pretty good, so when he asked for my phone number I gave it to him. That's when things got interesting.

He calls me up one evening after work wanting to schedule an evening to take me out to dinner. "Unless you think it's going to be awful and you'd rather go out for a drink instead.  That way you can get out of there real fast!" he said. 

"Honestly, I think I'd rather our first date be a lunch date if that's alright," I suggested.

"Wow. You do wanna get outta there fast," he commented. I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to say to that. This kind of put me on the defensive, like I'm supposed to justify why I rather have lunch than dinner.

"Well, I feel like a lunch date is a bit more casual. A dinner date feels more formal and intimate to me.  And since it's a first date and we don't really know each other, I'd be more comfortable going out to lunch instead... Or we could grab a smoothie or something if that's better..." I waited for his response, not really knowing what to expect.

"We can have lunch," he said. "What days this week are good for you?"

"Actually, I'm busy this week. Next week would be better for me," I stated.

"It's Tuesday..." he noted. Yeah? So?

"...Don't you only work three days a week? How are you busy?" he quizzed.

Again, I felt like he was trying to imply something. I felt like I needed to defend myself. As if I was some sort of liar. Why the heck is he having me justify everything I say? What's wrong with this guy? Maybe I AM being truthful when I say I rather have lunch.  Maybe it's not about having a quick exit.  Maybe I AM busy this week.  Maybe it's not about blowing you off.  I don't know if it's just me, but I always assume a person is telling the truth unless they give me a reason to believe otherwise.  Chris seems to be the opposite.  Is it the fraud investigator in him?  Does he think I'm a fraud? 

"Well, Wednesday is my dad's birthday. I have plans on Thursday. Friday's my grandma's birthday and I work this weekend," I answered.

"Two birthdays in the same week??" he questioned.

"Yes," I said firmly.

His response: "I guess that sounds like an honest answer. What days next week work for you?"

What the hell? I'm officially offended.  Now I don't even want to go on this date anymore!

After I get off the phone my sister asks about our conversation.  I tell her all about it.

She thinks he's insecure and doesn't have much self-esteem. "That's too bad," she said, "he looked cute."

"I'm going out to lunch with him next Tuesday," I stated.

"What?! Why?!" she blurted.

"Well, he kept acting like I was a liar. Now I feel obligated to eat lunch with him just to prove I wasn't lying!" I explained.  Basically it was a "damned if you do, damned if you don't" situation.  I can go out with him just to show him that I was being honest or I can blow him off, which makes me out to be the liar he thought I was. Sigh. I probably should have blown him off, but for some reason it was really important to me to prove that I was an honest and sincere person.  So I ended up meeting him for lunch... which was really boring. We asked each other questions and I told funny stories about my life or my friends or work and he'd respond with, "Wow, I wish I had interesting stories to tell," or "That makes me sound really boring," which made him seem even more boring.

Ironically enough, at the end of the date it was he who was reassuring me.  Not like I cared.   I only showed up to prove a point.  He kept telling me that he would call me, that he would contact me, and that he better not get a pre-made reject letter (hahaha).  He never did contact me though, which I guess makes him the liar of this story.  Trust me when I say I wasn't broken-hearted.

That evening I met up with some people from work. We were talking about dating and I mentioned that I just got back from a date- hence how sexy I looked.  They asked about my date and I told them about the phone conversation.

"Oh, tell about the time the guy tried to pay with gift cards at the movies, but it was for the wrong theater!" my friend added. Everyone laughed. That's when several of them told me that I should write a blog about all of my bad dates. I thought they were joking, but turns out they were serious.  I guess everyone wants to live vicariously through me!  Which is a pretty sweet deal when you look at it- getting to read about my bad dates instead of having to live them.

Like I said, I originally joined the site just so I'd have something to do, meet new people, and see what's out there. Not necessarily to meet my next boyfriend or Mr. Right. This experience was supposed to be "good for me." But once I started going on some of these dates, I found this post-breakup dating adventure to be more discouraging than anything else. You can see why.

However, since I started writing this blog, it's actually made this dating experience pretty fun. In fact, I even look forward to my next bad date!

This date with Chris has been the last one I've gone on, so if I go out with any other "interesting" guys, you'll be sure to hear about it.

And that's no lie.

The Smoker

When I get a "wink" or a message from a guy, there are basic things I look at to determine if I'll read the rest of his profile. They include: age, height, location, marital status, number of kids, and smoking. Those are my deal breakers.

Jared had messaged me and his profile stated "smoking: occasionally." Instant fail.  I wrote him back explaining that I'm not into guys that smoke and thanked him for his interest.

When I saw he replied to my message, I thought it was going to be mean.  

Tangent story: Once I sent a guy a pre-made reject letter and he responded with, "Care to lower your expectations for a day?" I politely replied a) I'm not okay with dating a smoker, b) I was turned off by your photo that depicts you drinking and driving, and c) you live 40 minutes away.  His response? "Fair enough." Thought so.

Back to Jared. I was pleasantly surprised when his response wasn't defensive at all. He wrote that he's never actually bought a pack of cigarettes, that he's only smoked a few times in the past, and he just wanted to be as honest as possible on his profile. "I don't know if that makes a difference... You seem real sweet..." he said. *Aww* I thought.

I wrote him back saying that unfortunately, the frequency of smoking didn't make a difference to me. Take care.

AGAIN he wrote me back saying he'd really like the chance to get to know me and could I at least have coffee with him just once. "I'll drive to your area and I promise I won't smoke before our date. ;) You just seem like someone I'd like to know better." This guy was persistent! I was flattered. He was already putting in more effort than gorgeous Grant.

I caved. I told him "You win, I'm in. I'll have lunch with you." In fact I might have told him no a third time before I caved... I can't remember.

Anyhow, we were supposed to have lunch but he didn't call to confirm until the morning of. Well, I had learned my lesson with Grant, that you have to start training from the get-go. And calling me the morning of to set up a time/place is not okay.  Girls have lives too, and they don't involve sitting by the phone waiting for your call!  So I told him that when he didn't call me earlier I had made other plans (to lounge in my pajamas and watch TV).

We talked on the phone for about 30 minutes and by the end of the conversation he was really disappointed (his words) that we didn't have lunch. "I was already excited to meet you, but now after talking to you I am really excited!" We rescheduled for an early dinner later in the week. And guess what? He called me the day before to confirm, pick a time, and place. Ah, the smell of training success.

So we met up at BJ's Brewhouse for dinner.  It started off okay.  The usual small talk, he bought me a drink, we asked questions... it was too early to tell if there was any kind of connection. But about halfway through the dinner I started noticing that he would ask me a question and then look at the television behind me while I answered. I ignored the slip up. TVs can be distracting. 

Except this happened two more times.  What the heck?  Aren't you supposed to be "captivated" by me? Or at least PRETENDING like you're interested in getting to know me?  I couldn't take it.  I turned to see what was on the TV.

Women's softball.

"You see the pitcher?" he asked. "... She's a gold medalist.... and she's hot."

Nice.  Great first date move.  He's not paying attention to the girl in front of him because he's looking at the girl on TV.  

Unfortunately our waiter was really slow. Maybe he could tell it was a first date and thought he was doing us a favor by drawing it out. But training a guy to listen to me and not blatantly check out other girls is not worth the time and effort. Is there a "Guy Whisperer" for men like this?

We finished our dinner and suddenly Jared became very excited. "Oh, the Giants are playing?... OH MY GOSH!... I can't believe it! Another no hitter!?! We gotta watch this game!" He looks around the restaurant. "We can watch it at the bar! We gotta find someplace to watch the rest of the game!!"

My thought: "We???" and "Check please!"

I guess it was written all over my face. "Well, unless you have to go... Do you not like to watch games?" he questioned.

I excused myself to the bathroom. Maybe when I come back the bill will be taken care of and I can leave.

Strangely enough as I return from the bathroom, Jared isn't staring at the TV, he's turned around in his chair staring at me. Part of me thinks that maybe he's realized that he's being an idiot. I ask him why he's not watching the game.

"Turns out it's not a new game. This is just a recap from Sanchez earlier this week," he answers.  Go figure.

As we leave and I'm heading back to my car, he says maybe next time I'd be willing to drive to his place (35 minutes away).

Yeah, I don't think so.  I won't be driving to see any guys anymore and there's certainly not going to be a next time with Jared.

The moral of the story: Just say no- to smokers.

Dos Equis

"We should grab dinner next week. Let me know if you're interested." That message was sitting in my inbox from a 30 year old man I had never talked to before. He's straightforward I guess.

I responded with, "I like to get to know someone a little better before I actually meet them. That way I don't feel like I'm going out with a complete stranger. Tell me a little about yourself."

His reply sounded more like a resume or some kind of job application than anything else, which was fitting since his profile picture was a headshot of him in a business suit.

He proceeded to list what college he went to, his major, his degree, the various jobs he's had, his current job, and how much money he makes. He told me that his goal was to own multiple shopping malls so he could golf all day and not have to work.  There was nothing written to give me any insight as to what kind of person he was.  It was all very impersonal.  I felt like I was conducting a job interview instead of getting to know him.  Strange... But here's the kicker- he ends it with a link and writes, "This is a picture of whom I believe is my biological father."

I click on the link. A picture of the Dos Equis beer guy pops up. What? That has to be a joke, right?  But the whole message was so dry and serious.  That link totally came out of left field. Either I don't get his sense of humor or he's serious... and maybe nuts.  I investigate.

I write him back with something along the lines of, "haha Are you serious? The Dos Equis guy?"

His response: I'm glad you liked the picture of my father.

Yeah, that didn't help. No smiley face, no wink, no "lol" or "haha." Nothing... I was still left thinking- is this guy for real? He was creeping me out!

Well, the nice thing about this dating site is they have, what I call, pre-made reject letters.  If someone writes you a message and you're not into them, you can choose between 3 pre-made reject letters.  This guy was definitely getting one.

I choose the one that starts, "Thanks, but unfortunately we're not a good match because of..." Then there's a list of reasons and you can check the box by the reason that applies.  I check the box that says "personality." I certainly didn't get his sense of humor so I know our personalities would clash.  Goodbye Dos Equis guy!

Or so I thought...

Clearly he was offended, because he sent me his own pre-made reject letter. His read, "Thanks, but unfortunately we're not a good match because of personality and physical attraction."

Seriously? Physical attraction? He's the one who messaged me! He can't say physical attraction when he made a pass at me! Oh my gosh. You are 30 years old. You're not 12. Wow. Can you imagine what it would be like to break up with this guy?  All I did was turn down a date.  Good call on that reject letter.  Weirdo.

McHottie

There are a lot of good things I could say about Grant. 1) He's gorgeous 2) he has a good and interesting career 3) he won an Emmy 4) he's gorgeous 5) he owns a townhouse 6) he's very personable- the type of person everyone likes as soon as they meet him 7) he's gorgeous 8) he's fun 9) he's smart with money 10) he's gorgeous. Wait, did I say that already?

I honestly don't have a really funny story to tell about him, because we didn't go on one awful bad date. We went out many times, but in the end it amounted to a not-so-good experience.

He either doesn't know how to treat a lady, or he didn't like me that much, or both.  But all of the problems had one underlying theme- not much effort on his part.  Shall I list?  Yes, I think I shall.

1) We went out maybe 10 times and only one of those dates did he drive to see me.  He lives 30 minutes away, so it was a pretty unfair situation for me. He had lame excuses for not driving- there's nothing to do where I live and it's awkward because I still live with my parents.  It just didn't seem right. In the beginning, aren't guys trying to impress us?  I was not impressed. But I let it slide, because he was hot.  I admit it!  In fact sometimes when he'd talk to me, I'd just stare at him and think about how gorgeous he was. Sigh.   I smile just thinking about it.

2) After several dates I suggested going to 6 Flags for the day, a pricey date and my idea, so I offered to pay. I'm a little surprised because I've never had a guy just let me treat for a date.  It's usually a fight, like I have to "forget" my money in his car, beat him to the cashier, slip it in his pocket, or my favorite- throw and run.  I even had to do that with my friend, and he's gay! Again, isn't he supposed to be trying to impress me?  He's supposed to be working hard, not hardly working... but he's so nice to look at!

3) After 6 Flags we stopped by a pretty nice wine tasting party his coworker was having.  I actually had a great time. Better than when we were at 6 Flags- turned out he's scared of roller coasters. Grrrreat.  Anyhow, it was 2am and we were leaving the party and heading back to his car.  That's when he started saying things about how he wasn't sure if he could drive.  Fantastic.  I see where this is going.  Grant had "tasted" a little too much wine.  Good thing I was responsible enough to stay sober. Obviously I offered to drive because I didn't want to die.  So I drove us back... for two hours...  I couldn't help but think he should've been more responsible. 

4) That night he tried to get me to stay over.  It was funny because he tried very hard. He tried by kissing and by taking his shirt off- not that I minded that. But I wasn't going to sleep with him. He wasn't even a good kisser.  He kept saying I should stay the night because it wasn't safe for me to drive home this late. "It's not safe for me to drive home at night?? You just had me drive us for two hours at 2am! I think I can make it another 30 minutes..."

5) We were supposed to go to the movies one night. I get to his place and I end up waiting for about 20-30 minutes while he tries to arrange last minute airline flights with a buddy for next weekend. He gets off the phone and instead of seeing a movie that's showing a little bit later, he decides to rush to the one that's playing in 15 minutes. I'm dressed pretty snazzy: jeans, heels, collared shirt, trench, and scarf.  He's wearing his work pants, tennis shoes, and throws on a fleece pullover and heads out the door. That's it? Really? When I look like this? Sigh.

So we rush to see The Hangover.  As you know, the movie is hilarious. Well it turns out that Grant's laugh is also hilarious... and by hilarious, I mean embarrassing.  Not only is it incredibly loud, but it's also high pitched- making it extremely noticeable.  And it didn't help that when the audience would laugh, Grant's laugh would extend an extra 10 seconds so everyone could hear.  It was the kind of laugh that if you heard it, you'd nudge the person next to you and giggle, or you'd turn around to look for that person with the strange laugh, or when the movie was over you'd ask, "Did you hear that guy laughing?!"  Yeah. It was that bad.   It got to the point where every time he laughed, I'd look around the theater to see if anyone was looking at us.  I was ready to sink down into my seat at a moment's notice.  Before the movie's end, it suddenly occurred to me: Oh my gosh. I will never be able to see a comedy with Grant ever again!  And I was serious.

6) It's my birthday. He calls and sings me happy birthday on the phone- aww. And I get a package in the mail from him (chocolate) and a card. It's a simple, but it's nice and I appreciate it.  He says we should go out that weekend and do something big for my birthday. Sounds great! Too bad I never hear from him. In fact a week goes by and I receive a voicemail on my cell apologizing for being so distant.  He's been real busy and to give him a call if I still wanted to speak to him.  I called and he never called me back.  Now he's married to a pretty teacher he also met online.  Maybe he was busy with her.  

Lesson learned. Grant was nice, fun, and one awesome piece of eye candy, but that was it.  People treat you the way you let them. You have to train them and I did a lousy job.   Hey, no big deal. This was only about socializing anyway.  I'm just happy that I got to go out with the prettiest guy I've ever seen in real life.  

The Runner

So the firefighter and the military police officer were my first two encounters with online dating.  Fast forward 4 years, one love, and a painful breakup later and we wind up in May 2009.

It's been 3 months since I broke up with my boyfriend of two years and I'm sad and moping around. You know how it is. That's when my family suggests going on a dating website. "We know how you feel, we know you're not interested in finding someone else right now, but at least this is something to do. Something to get you out of the house.  A chance for you to go out and socialize and get your mind off things," they say, to which my sister added, "At least you'll get a free lunch out of it!" So I think about it and decide it's not a bad idea. I definitely need to get out of the house because when I'm home alone, all of my thoughts lead me down one depressing path. This would give me a chance to see what's out there! I'm not looking for anything serious, I'm simply signing up for the social aspect, and heck, if someone comes along and sweeps me off my feet then that's great. If not, it's certainly better then staring at photos all day long.  Right?

And so on May 3, 2009 I officially became an online dater. A day that will live on in infamy!!!  Just to clarify, I only know the date because it's printed on my receipt.

In the beginning I was really excited. People would "wink" me (the equivalent of a Facebook poke) or send me a message. There's even a counter to let you know how many people view your profile.  I felt so popular!   Guys were messaging me before I even had a photo posted, which I thought was awfully brave.  I could be a troll. Peter messaged me right away. I call him The Runner because he had several pictures of him running marathons. And his profile was loaded with talk of running, jogging, marathons, running shoes... This guy obviously loved to run, which I knew would make us a bad match straight off, because the only time I run is when I'm chased.

Our first messages to each other were super long and funny. I looked forward to his messages. I have to say, I didn't find him attractive, but 1) sometimes it's a personality that makes someone sexy- though I'm aiming for sexy inside and out and 2) it's not like I'm looking for a boyfriend now, so what does it matter?

Back to the point. So Peter, the runner, is totally nice and friendly and has good stories to tell so we set up a date to have lunch. I meet him at this sandwich shop. We hug, order, and sit down with our sandwiches.

This is how the conversation starts: "So I read you have a dog. What kind of dog is it?" he questions.

"I have a miniature poodle, his name is Rambo," I said.

"So you have a small dog. I hate small dogs!" he expressed. Nice opener there Peter.  Way to think that through.  That's like telling a chick- I notice you're blonde. I hate blondes!" Maybe I should tell him my thoughts on running?

"Is he a yappy dog?" he asks as he takes a bite of his sandwich. Now there's mayonnaise on his face. For that dumbass dog comment, I decide not to tell him about the food on his cheek and let him sit there with it.  And for the record, that mayonnaise did not budge until right before the date ended. Which I thought was surprising, because when I'm on a date I'm so paranoid about the possibility of food on my face that I'm constantly wiping my mouth with a napkin, just in case.  Obviously Peter doesn't do that.

"No, he's not yappy," I said.

"Oh good.  I run by yards with small yappy dogs all the time and it's so annoying!!!" he shares.  Ironic... I'm annoyed too.

The conversation is boring.  He's definitely more of a writer than a speaker.  He says some stupid things, like how he's looking to buy a house in the area for under $300K. HAHA Good luck! The condos by my place are asking $600-700K and a townhouse down the street is asking $900K. I tell him this but he seems oblivious of his ridiculousness. Apparently he's going to a real estate seminar later designed to help people who are looking to buy homes. Good, maybe they'll inform him that he's crazy.

While he's talking I do some analyzing. Shorts and flip flops on a first date? That's a little too casual. What? Ew! Is that a fungus toe nail!? I think it is! Why would someone wear flip flops on a first date if they have a nasty looking big toe! Keep that thing hidden! Oh, he's asking me a question...

"Did you vote for McCain?" he asks hesitantly. I tell him no. "Oh, okay, good." He breathes a sigh of relief and begins to do some McCain bashing. Which is fine. I just sit there and listen while alternating looks between the mayonnaise on his face and his scary big toe.  Now he's bashing Sarah Palin.

"Actually, I voted for Hillary Clinton in the primary," I said. "I really liked her and would have liked to see her as President."

"I can't stand Hillary!" he shot back. "I find her annoying and vindictive!" Again, I'm irritated.  One second ago he worried about offending me with McCain bashing.  Now he KNOWS I voted for Hillary but apparently it's okay to insult her.  First my dog, now my voting choices.  I'm glad I left that food on your face.  I hope people at the nearby tables see how stupid you look.  I dig through my purse acting like I'm grabbing a mirror to apply lipstick while I quickly take a peek at the time- one o'clock.  Time to go!

"Vindictive? How so?" I question. I imagine the look on my face is one that is not amused.   Silence.  He sits there thinking.  He thinks some more.  More silence...

"... I guess I shouldn't have said that since I don't have anything to back it up," he laughs.  I smile.

"Well, I better let you get going so you can catch that real estate seminar. What time is it at?" I say as I grab my purse and start to stand up.

"7 pm," he says.

DAMN IT.

I pause in mid-stand. No, I'm still leaving. "Well, I gotta go," I said, so we parted ways.

I went home and my family asked how my date was with The Runner. I proceeded to tell them that he insulted my dog, he insulted my vote, he had this gross toe nail, had food on his face the whole time, he dressed way too casual, and he thinks he can buy a home around here for under $300k!  What's funny was, a couple of days later he asked me when we could grab lunch again because he had a great time! What?! "Sorry," I said, "but I didn't feel a connection."  Suffice it to say, after my date with him, it was I who wanted to do the running.

A Night at the Movies

It had been only a week after my horrible date with the firefighter, but I wasn't going to let that stop me!  I had also been talking to a guy named Patrick on that Myspace too. He was a military police officer. I switched teams!  Firemen vs. cops, let the rivalry begin!  Maybe I like a man in uniform? We had talked for a while and decided we'd see Sean Penn's: All the King's Men at the movie theater. Haven't heard of it?  That's because it sucked.

So I get to the theater and he's not there. It's the summer and it's the weekend so the ticket counter is pretty crowded, so I hop in a line. Soon after Patrick arrives,  he recognizes me and joins me in line. We talk while waiting and he tells me he's going to pay with a pair of movie gift certificates. At that point I'm not too sure what to make of that. Wouldn't it make a better impression to actually pay on the first date instead of using a gift certificate and admit the date is free?  I brush it off.

We get to the counter and he asks for 2 tickets and hands the lady the gift certificates.  She hands them back.

"Sorry, these are for AMC.  We're Century," she says.

Ouch. Embarrassing.  Patrick thought he was getting a free date but since he couldn't read the gift certificate he has to pay anyway. Or so I thought.

That's when he turns to me and tells me he doesn't have any money on him and asks me to pay for the movie.  What? What person goes anywhere, or a date, without some cash on them?  So that's why he was using a gift certificate- cops don't get paychecks! Rolls eyes.  I didn't realize that I was taking him out tonight.  Whatever, I pay for the tickets.  At least he thanked me.

Let's fast forward through the movie.  It was boring, I didn't want to see it in the first place but nothing else was out, and I ended up falling asleep midway anyway.

So he's walking me back to my car and it's time to say goodnight. I think he's going in for a hug but what does he do? He grabs my ass and tries to make out with me.  Excuse me, you don't get a free movie and a free touch & feel.  If anyone should getting a handful, it should be me.  I'm out $20 and you still have a free movie in your wallet.  At least I got a good nap out of the date.

My First Bad Date

I've recently joined a dating website; however, long before websites like eHarmony and Match.com existed, I belonged to the now obsolete Myspace. Occasionally a person I didn't know would contact me. This begins my story about what would become the worst date I have ever been on.

His name was Kevin and he was a firefighter. A pretty good looking one at that. We exchanged several messages before he suggested grabbing coffee one day.  What girl turns down a date with a hot fireman?!  No one, I said yes.  I was in college at the time and we agreed that I'd call him after my last class to meet up.

Class got out early so I gave him a call.  "I have to stop by the station first before we get coffee.  I didn't fill out an incident report right so I have to submit a new one.  Can you wait?" he asked.

So I hung around campus.  Just killing time, bored out of my mind. About an hour went by when I decided that I was sick of waiting and I'd just go home.  So I started my 25 minute walk to the train station, then I got a call from Kevin.

"I'm at Pizza My Heart. Can you meet me there?" he asked.  I made my way to the restaurant. When I got there I stood outside its entrance and looked around.  I didn't see him.  I took a peek inside. He wasn't there either.  I called him.

"Where are you?" he asked.

"I'm standing in front of Pizza My Heart," I said.

"Where?? What are you wearing?" he asked again.

"Right outside. In front of the entrance. I'm on my cell phone. I'm wearing an orange tank top.  Here-," I said raising my arm in the air, "I'm holding my hand up... Where are you?" I said as I kept spinning in circles- looking for a hot guy talking on a cell phone. Still, I didn't see him.  What the hell, where was he???  I'm exactly where he said he'd be, so how come we can't find each other?

"Start walking towards campus," he directed.  I started walking, still wondering what was going on.  Suddenly I realized why he had me wandering all over the place. The idiot was sitting in his car parked down the street "looking for me."  What- was it too hard to get out of the damn car?  Too much trouble to stand in front of a pizza shop to wait for me, so I had to be the one to walk around aimlessly until I stumbled upon his car?  It would have been faster for him to just tell me he was in a silver Honda parked by Pizza My Heart.  I signed up for a date, not a scavenger hunt.

At this point I had already wasted over an hour of my time waiting to have coffee, so I might as well get a free drink out of it.  So I hopped in his car and he drove us to the nearest Starbucks.

No sooner did we get our drinks when his cell phone started ringing.  He excused himself to take the call outside. I finished my ENTIRE Venti Double Chocolaty Chip Frappuccino sitting at a table by myself while he talked on his cell outside. Mind you, if I had a way to leave I would have, but he drove us to Starbucks AND I take the train to school, so I had no means of transportation to save me from this date disaster.

Finally he returned, only to say, "Sorry, it was work. I have to go. Can I drive you back to the train station?" YES. PLEASE, YES.  So he did, and we said goodbye.

Let's recap the date: I waited for an hour on campus for him to even show up.  Then I stood in front of Pizza My Heart looking like an idiot, raising my arms in the air and spinning around in circles for someone who was down the block sitting in his car. The only conversation we actually had was on the way to Starbucks and once we got there he spent another hour outside on his phone while I sipped my drink by myself next to a homeless man collecting abandoned newspapers from other tables.

There you have it, my first bad date.  Hopefully it's not a sign of things to come.