The Smoker

When I get a "wink" or a message from a guy, there are basic things I look at to determine if I'll read the rest of his profile. They include: age, height, location, marital status, number of kids, and smoking. Those are my deal breakers.

Jared had messaged me and his profile stated "smoking: occasionally." Instant fail.  I wrote him back explaining that I'm not into guys that smoke and thanked him for his interest.

When I saw he replied to my message, I thought it was going to be mean.  

Tangent story: Once I sent a guy a pre-made reject letter and he responded with, "Care to lower your expectations for a day?" I politely replied a) I'm not okay with dating a smoker, b) I was turned off by your photo that depicts you drinking and driving, and c) you live 40 minutes away.  His response? "Fair enough." Thought so.

Back to Jared. I was pleasantly surprised when his response wasn't defensive at all. He wrote that he's never actually bought a pack of cigarettes, that he's only smoked a few times in the past, and he just wanted to be as honest as possible on his profile. "I don't know if that makes a difference... You seem real sweet..." he said. *Aww* I thought.

I wrote him back saying that unfortunately, the frequency of smoking didn't make a difference to me. Take care.

AGAIN he wrote me back saying he'd really like the chance to get to know me and could I at least have coffee with him just once. "I'll drive to your area and I promise I won't smoke before our date. ;) You just seem like someone I'd like to know better." This guy was persistent! I was flattered. He was already putting in more effort than gorgeous Grant.

I caved. I told him "You win, I'm in. I'll have lunch with you." In fact I might have told him no a third time before I caved... I can't remember.

Anyhow, we were supposed to have lunch but he didn't call to confirm until the morning of. Well, I had learned my lesson with Grant, that you have to start training from the get-go. And calling me the morning of to set up a time/place is not okay.  Girls have lives too, and they don't involve sitting by the phone waiting for your call!  So I told him that when he didn't call me earlier I had made other plans (to lounge in my pajamas and watch TV).

We talked on the phone for about 30 minutes and by the end of the conversation he was really disappointed (his words) that we didn't have lunch. "I was already excited to meet you, but now after talking to you I am really excited!" We rescheduled for an early dinner later in the week. And guess what? He called me the day before to confirm, pick a time, and place. Ah, the smell of training success.

So we met up at BJ's Brewhouse for dinner.  It started off okay.  The usual small talk, he bought me a drink, we asked questions... it was too early to tell if there was any kind of connection. But about halfway through the dinner I started noticing that he would ask me a question and then look at the television behind me while I answered. I ignored the slip up. TVs can be distracting. 

Except this happened two more times.  What the heck?  Aren't you supposed to be "captivated" by me? Or at least PRETENDING like you're interested in getting to know me?  I couldn't take it.  I turned to see what was on the TV.

Women's softball.

"You see the pitcher?" he asked. "... She's a gold medalist.... and she's hot."

Nice.  Great first date move.  He's not paying attention to the girl in front of him because he's looking at the girl on TV.  

Unfortunately our waiter was really slow. Maybe he could tell it was a first date and thought he was doing us a favor by drawing it out. But training a guy to listen to me and not blatantly check out other girls is not worth the time and effort. Is there a "Guy Whisperer" for men like this?

We finished our dinner and suddenly Jared became very excited. "Oh, the Giants are playing?... OH MY GOSH!... I can't believe it! Another no hitter!?! We gotta watch this game!" He looks around the restaurant. "We can watch it at the bar! We gotta find someplace to watch the rest of the game!!"

My thought: "We???" and "Check please!"

I guess it was written all over my face. "Well, unless you have to go... Do you not like to watch games?" he questioned.

I excused myself to the bathroom. Maybe when I come back the bill will be taken care of and I can leave.

Strangely enough as I return from the bathroom, Jared isn't staring at the TV, he's turned around in his chair staring at me. Part of me thinks that maybe he's realized that he's being an idiot. I ask him why he's not watching the game.

"Turns out it's not a new game. This is just a recap from Sanchez earlier this week," he answers.  Go figure.

As we leave and I'm heading back to my car, he says maybe next time I'd be willing to drive to his place (35 minutes away).

Yeah, I don't think so.  I won't be driving to see any guys anymore and there's certainly not going to be a next time with Jared.

The moral of the story: Just say no- to smokers.