Too Picky?

I think I'm pretty good about being open minded when it comes to dating. I've had boyfriends who were partially deaf, overweight, a Persian immigrant, and three years my junior.  I've also gone on many decent dates with guys deemed "not bad enough" to write about, like Dr. Roboto (a physician that talked like a robot).  And lastly, I've dated all the "winners" you've read here.

Surely you don't think I was too picky when it came to these gentlemen, do you?  Do any of them sound like boyfriend material to you? A threatening, needy, self-centered, cheap, hyper sexual, paranoid, clueless smoker with a tail? If so, then you should try online dating! ;) Seriously though, judging by the comments posted by guys and girls alike, I'm not the only one who'd give these guys a thumbs down.

Let me just say that of all the guys I've written about, the only guy I refused to date again was The Runner or Idaho guy. Why? Because the rest of them never contacted me again.  That's right, the rejection was mutual.  But, even my decent dates didn't amount to second dates, which I attribute to a lack of connection.  However, if I had the chance, I would've liked to see if a second date was better. So again, how can I be picky when in essence, all of these rejects  also rejected me?

I know everyone has their flaws. Come on, I have loved someone I was never physically attracted to, so I know a thing or two about acceptance.  The difference is, you need to know what you can live with and what you can't.  And if you're not true to yourself about what you need, then your relationship won't last or you'll be miserable.  You'll break up, you'll divorce, whatever.  Try to convince yourself you can live with a slob, when you can't and you end up living in a pig sty full of resentment.  As Dr. Phil would say, "And how's that working out for ya?"

You can't convince yourself to tolerate someone's flaws because you'll fail.  And you can't change someone either.  You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink.  You either accept them or you don't.  And if these guys I've blogged about act like this on the first date, when they're supposed to be on their best behavior, then I dodged a bullet. Because you know it's not going to get better than this.

Dating and relationships are about refining your taste. Learning about what you like and what you don't like and the difference between your needs and your preferences. You become more selective, you discover what you can get and realize what you deserve. People may think I'm too picky, but 50% of married couples divorce. Perhaps if people were more selective about the  company they choose, the statistic would be better.

I don't think I'm picky, but I do have standards. I hate being in a loving relationship but also knowing that you can do better. It's interesting because I think I've, in some way, inspired people to leave their boyfriends.  In my last relationship, my boyfriend didn't seem to have any interest in self-improvement. "The goal of life is to grow." For a year I tried to encourage him to go to school or invest some time and education into finding a career. What I need is an equal, a partner, someone on my level. I'm not your mom, your maid, or your caretaker.  Unfortunately, he was content with the status quo (working at Best Buy) and because I was honest with myself about what I needed, I left.  Well that and he ended up stealing from them, was caught, arrested, and I didn't want to date a thief.  

That was incredibly hard for me, but I knew in the long run it wouldn't work out. Strangely enough, it seems like unmotivated men are quite common now.  After discussing it with friends, they began breaking up with their boyfriends for the same reason.  Then after talking about online dating, several people signed up too. In fact, I was the first one at work to try online dating and since starting this blog, 6 girls have joined and 5 of them are now married to their online dates.  

So again, am I being too picky? I really don't think so, but even if I am- who cares? I'm only 25. I'm young and I'm having fun.  Good date or bad, this has definitely been an interesting experience! I'm enjoying meeting new people and the only time I'm lonely is when I'm watching Smallville's Oliver Queen (Justin Hartley) on TV. He's dreamy, and unfortunately married in real life, but it doesn't stop me from yelling "Date me!" when he's onscreen. Especially when he's topless. :-D

Anyway, I'm confident the right guy for me is out there and when we meet, he'll be glad I was "picky" enough to wait for him.