Is the Economy *that* Bad or Just You?

On Monday I went out with an ultrasound tech.  He asked me out for a drink or meal. I suggested Jamba Juice on a hot summer day. We met there and after reading the menu, I turned to him and said, "Well, I know what I want whenever you're ready."

"Okay," he said, "You buy yours first."

Sigh.  Not again.  Bad sign. You ask me out on a date, but you don't want to treat?  This date might as well be over. 

I ordered my drink and the cashier asked if that would be all. "Yes," I said, "Just that." As I reached for my wallet, she asked Trent for his order.

"That'll be $8" she read. Clearly she combined the two orders (I'm glad someone knew that he should pay). Confused about what to do, I grabbed some cash and looked up to see him hand her a debit card.  Before I had time to think, Oh thank God, I just misunderstood him, Trent looked at me, sighed, shrugged his shoulders and uttered, "Oh well."

Was that necessary? If you didn't look cheap before, you certainly do now. You should've just played it off, like you were going to pay all along or like it was no big deal.  Because buying me a $4 drink isn't.  That's why you should've done it in the first place.

We walked outside and sat at a table. I think we talked for a little over an hour. It wasn't that good. The problem was that he spoke like he didn't care about anything- like he was completely disinterested with any and all topics of conversation.  There was no emotion in his voice so I couldn't tell if the date was going well or not.   Does he like me?  Doesn't he?  I had no idea, but I didn't really care.  It was a "no" the moment he told me to buy my own smoothie.  As the date ended and we walked back to our cars, I gave him a hug and thanked him for the Jamba Juice.

"Well, I was kinda forced into it," he replied.

Oh my gosh.  Now that I think about it, I'm not that surprised at his off-color comment.  He told me during a phone call that he came out of his shell about a year and a half ago and he's just learning how to talk to girls (he's 25 mind you).  Well it's safe to say he has more to learn.  Am I old fashioned to think a guy should pay when he asks a girl out on a date?  If he can't afford a smoothie, then he has bigger problems than finding a girlfriend and he shouln't be spending $100 to join a dating site.

The next evening as I was leaving work, I noticed that he sent me a text message: So, do you think there'll be a second date?

No! This guy is cheapskate. And if it's this obvious now, then I can't imagine what a relationship would be like with him. I know someone who had to purchase their own wedding ring because their husband was too cheap to buy one. That's sad but I bet that's exactly how Trent would be.  How much do you want to bet that not paying for the first date is just the tip of the iceberg?

Some guys will argue that they only won't pay for the first date. Their rationale is that it's too soon to be sure she's worth the money. I find that offensive.  You ask us out on a date, and while we determine that you're worth the time, you're not so sure we're worth the money.  Then why are you taking us out?  Perhaps the first date should be free then- like a trip to the beach.  Then you save yourself money and we won't think you're a douchebag.

Anyway, back to Trent. At the advice of my friend, I replied to Trent's text about a second date saying, "I don't know, you seemed pretty upset about having to pay for my Jamba Juice." This way, if he had a legitimate reason for not wanting to pay, he could vindicate himself.

Alas, this was not the case. He texted me back saying, LMAO! Only if you didn't say thank you. Then I would have called it off. I didn't care about that because it was her bad (the cashier). Plus it was 4 bucks. Phhh. It would be totally different if it was the first date and dinner.

I'm pretty sure he's speaking chicken right now, because all I hear is CHEAP CHEAP CHEAP. 

If the bill was something bigger than it was, I wouldn't have paid full for it. So everything was A-okay. I know you thought about paying for yourself after the total came up. So now it's up to you if you would like to go on a second date.

Normally I wouldn't do this, but I decided to respond honestly, hoping maybe Trent could learn a thing or two about dating. Since he's new to girls and all.

I wrote him, "No thank you. When a guy asks me out on a date but doesn't want to treat, it's a turn off for me. Even broke guys have refused to let me pay for myself.  Good luck on your search though and congratulations on passing your certification test!" I tried to leave things on a positive note- I'm not a bitch- but minutes later I already had a new message from him and he wasn't happy.

Wow. I thought you were different than the rest of the girls. That's good that we stopped it. Because I'm looking for an independent girl. Good luck on YOUR search.

Okay, first off, "we" stopped it?  No, that would be me who stopped it, because you're cheap.  Second- do you think independent women don't like chivalry? Do you think we want a guy who makes us pay for ourselves?  Or were you under the impression that independent women find men who complain about paying for their drink irresistibly sexy? I was trying to be nice, I was trying to give some constructive feedback, but his reply made me angry. Okay, the gloves are coming off.

"Well I'm sure the 'rest of the girls,' including the independent ones, will all agree that they don't want to date a cheap guy. Especially one who declares he was 'forced into' paying for a $4 drink."

Goodbye Ebenezer... and scrooge you.