Oh, Baby!

Sigh. It's times like these where I wish I wasn't so quick to delete some of the messages I receive. It's hard to remember just how weird some of these people truly are, and I'd like to do them justice. 

So, as you know I have two dating accounts. One is free and one is not. This close encounter took place on the free account. With that being said, at the end of your profile you're prompted to answer the question: You should message me if... 

Basically, since it's free, I'm a little more relaxed with what I post.  In this case, part of my answer says, "you've got to be taller than my younger sister." 

My sister is tall for a girl (5'9"), but average for a guy so I think it's a fair request.  Plus, something feels innately wrong about dating a guy who my "little" sister towers over, thus I refuse to do it.  I'm only 5'2" and one of the perks of being that height is that you can wear heels with virtually any guy and he'll still be taller than you... however, this is not the case with most of the guys who message me.  To be fair, once I gave it a shot and did go on several dates with someone who was *maybe* two inches taller than me.  It just felt weird.  When I hugged him my arms went around his shoulders instead of his waist, he didn't have to lean down to kiss me and I didn't have to stand on my toes to kiss him, and I never had to look up to talk to him.  I don't know, I just don't like it!  I want a guy who feels bigger than me, that I can feel safe around- physically, emotionally, etc.  And how I can feel safe around someone who's practically the same size as me?  If anything goes down, I might have to protect him!   Hey, I'm scrappy.  Don't underestimate me. 

Anyway, let me get back on topic. Often times, this "you've gotta be taller than my younger sister" becomes a conversation starter, which was the whole point. It's a nice way to tell a guy he's too short for me without using those words. Instead I'm saying, "My baby sister is taller than you!" lol Okay, I guess that's not much better.  So, this guy messages me and asks how tall my sister is- normal- followed by a little less normal....It went something like this:

So what if your sister is taller than me? Who cares? The only ones that matter in this relationship are you and me. No one else's opinion matters. I don't know how tall your sister is, and I don't care. You're just going to have to deal with it. I think you're beautiful and funny and I like what I see. I want to have babies with you. Deal with that.

When are we going to meet up? Do you come to the city often? Let's get this ball rolling.

Hold on a second.  Let me pick my jaw up off the floor.... Okay, got it.  Now, why the hell is he talking about me like I'm already his girlfriend and why is he talking about babies?!?!  Do guys just assume that the word "baby" is the key to our hearts and our pants? "OoOOoOo he said 'baby,' he must be real serious, he must love me!"  Yeah, I'm not retarded... but I am a little scared.  So what do I do?  I reply of course!!!

I think I wrote something to him about not driving to the city that often and when I do I'm always a passenger because it's scary driving through there. I followed that with a comment that reflected my disinterest in having kids at this moment, but instead suggested a life filled with puppies! 

This time I saved his reply, probably because I hoped he'd keep writing to me and this post would grow to massive proportions. It read:

Lucky for you, I have a car and I don't mind you riding shotgun all the time. You're such a pansy, driving in the city isn't that hard. :)

Yes, I want to have babies with you. I prefer puppies too. I just saw Marley and Me, so perhaps we get a dog first and then try to have kids.

So you live like 30 minutes from me... that's kinda manageable. Would you cry if you had to spend your weekends with me? 

This guy cracks me up. Now we've gone from being in a relationship and having babies, to being in a relationship, having a dog, then having babies, and me spending the weekends at his place.  Where did this guy get his crystal ball, because I think he should ask for a refund. 

In any case, I replied again but never got a response and he has since deleted his account.  Perhaps his fast moving lines worked on some baby hungry woman and by now they're shopping for cribs and crate training their lab.  Meanwhile, I'm still single and that's okay.  People who haven't read my blog sometimes ask me why I'm single.  If you've read it, the answer is probably clear as a bell, but if not then the best and simplest answer I can give them is that I haven't found someone who deserves me. I'm looking for something serious. Someone who's serious about me... Not someone who's seriously weird. Deal with it.

The Nerd

So it's been about a month since my last post and I've gone on several dates, but none of them are blog material because they've all been really good! And funny enough, they're with the police officer I mentioned at the end of my "Ding!" post. Anyway, I'm not going to go into detail about it because 1) I'm trying not to get too excited because after all, I went out with McHottie many times before he vanished and 2) you're not reading this because you want to hear about my good dates. Lucky for you, I do have some more "close encounters" to share.

First and foremost, let it be known that I like smart guys.  Second, I also like guys who are a little dorky too.  But, I don't like guys who have all of their test scores memorized.  That's just strange, sad, and A LOT too nerdy for me.

After the innocent, "Hey, how are you?" exchange with Sam, came this weird statement: "I'm intelligent and motivated. My IQ's over 145 and under 150.  I'm into technology and high tech stuff.  Thank you, Sam"

Hahaha why is he telling me his IQ? That's random and odd.  I feel like that's something your find on a sperm donor card when you're trying to decide which sperm you're going to impregnate yourself with.  Maybe it's a cultural thing.

I decide to ask him about the IQ score.  Apparently he takes an IQ test every year to see how he's improved.  He even tells me the name of the IQ test he takes.  I think this guy has too much time on his hands.  Then he tells me he's originally from East India but he's lived here for a few years now.  He asks how I know he's not from around here.  Is it because he likes tech stuff?

What the heck is that supposed to mean?  That Americans don't like tech stuff or it's too complicated for us?  Yes, I thought you weren't from around here because we Americans, especially those of us living in the Silicon Valley, don't like high tech stuff.  Whatever, I'm probably reading too much into it and really, what's the point? He lost me at his IQ score.

I respond: No, most people talk about tech stuff. I can tell you're from a different country because of your English. Take care and good luck to you! (Goodbye #1)

Sometimes writing to someone on a dating site reminds me of a horror movie. Just when you think the conversation is over and dead and it's safe to move on, it's resurrected.

He writes me back wanting to know how does his nationality make a difference and why is it influencing our chemistry.  I ignore him, but he persists.  His followup message has even more tests scores. Oh goody...

(Disclaimer: The English in this message has been modified because I found it annoying)

I took the GRE without any prep and I scored 520/800. That's in the 70th percentile.  Hang on, there's much more (Phew, I was worried for a second).  I scored 92/100 on the TOEFL.  What else would you expect me to be good at?  It's just because I wrote my profile in harum-scarum (What the hell is that?? I look it up. The dictionary says it means "reckless."  Whoa, now I think my IQ just jumped a point).  Well, I've been working in the United States for three years and nobody has ever commented on how I speak or write (Yeah, because they know it's your second language).  In fact, I sing rap all of the time. (Yes, because rap is notorious for proper English...) Now, I don't really have to give you an explanation, because I have other options, but since you seem to be a good match, I keep writing you.  Good luck in your search. (Goodbye #2)

Sigh. Well I didn't want to offend him and make him self-conscious about his English.  So I feel obligated to respond.  I tell him my disinterest has nothing to do with his ability to speak or write English.  I've gone on several dates with someone else now and it's been going well and I want to see where it goes. Take care and thanks for your interest! (Goodbye #3)

And in true horror film fashion...

"You are charming and I like you a lot and I'm impressed.  If you could give me a chance, you'll definitely find me interesting.  We could hang out on a weekend or have lunch sometime and let's see what you say then.  I know some messages were not constructive in the way they were addressed, but that doesn't reflect who/how I am and how I treat people. Looking forward to hearing from you."

I quit.  

Little Bo Peep

Why is a girl writing to me? Did she just happen to veer off course in her quest for guys, stumble upon my profile, and decide that I look like good friend material? She wrote to me about board games, and I'm tempted to read her message, but first I need to check this chick out. I need to find out if she's lesbian or if she's just striking up an innocent conversation.

I check out her profile and first look at her photos. She's a dork. Nearly all of her photos are taken at an anime or comic-con convention and she's dressed up, as what appears to be, Little Bo Peep. And she's kind of a dog.  Long frizzy red hair, tall and skinny, with jacked up teeth and glasses.  In fact, aside from the dress she doesn't look all that feminine.  I glance at her basic info:

26/ M/ Straight/ Single

"M"? As in "male"??  Wait, wait, wait...  He's wearing a pink dress in two of the pictures!  In another he's wearing a pink track jacket... with a choker!  This is just a case of classic ugly person syndrome, right?  A transgender didn't just message me, did he? I frantically go back to his profile and start to scroll down.

His headline: I am cute, transgendered, and cuddly

Oh my.

"I am an interesting and unique individual who doesn't follow the normal gender rules... The first things people usually notice about me are my height, my hair color, my glasses, or the fact that I'm transgendered... The six things I could never do without would be my computer, friends, religion, transgendered expression, and eyesight... The most private thing I'm willing to admit here is I'm transgender, but I don't plan on getting a sex change. Mostly because I realized it would create more problems and questions than it could ever solve.... You should message me if you love a guy who's not afraid to wear a skirt..."

Well, that solves that.

Now I feel bad.  Not because he took an interest in me, I can't help it if he has good taste ;) Instead, I feel bad for him because it must be hard to find love.  I can't imagine many straight girls being interested in a guy in a dress or a lesbian being interested in a girl with guy parts. Who's he supposed to be with?  A transsexual woman who wants to be a man?  Maybe there's a dating site for that... Curious, I check to see.  Turns out they exist and there's quite a few actually.  Maybe I'll send a few his way, because everyone deserves to be loved.  Even if you do go to anime conventions.

The Ding! Guy

At last, a guy messaged me who had all of the qualities I wanted and more! I called him "Ding! Guy" because after reading his first message I became so excited that I read it to my family and followed each positive thing he wrote with an enthusiastic "DING!"

He's 26- Ding!

He doesn't like sports- Ding!

He graduated from the same college as I did- Ding!

He was working towards his MBA- Ding!

Which he just completed a month-and-a-half ago- Ding!

He's 6'2"- Ding!

According to his whopping two photos he seems cute- Ding!

He has an older and younger sister- Ding!

His favorite place to vacation is Disneyland- Ding!

And Hawaii- Ding!

He works for Apple- Ding!

He's got his own apartment- Ding!

He has a degree in finance- Ding!

He doesn't like coffee- Ding!

He's not much of a drinker- Ding!

His favorite movie is the Indiana Jones trilogy- Ding!

I'm sure there was more, but as you can see my list of reasons to date this guy was growing fairly long, very fast. It took us a month to finally meet and by the time we decided to go grab coffee I was definitely excited. This guy seemed to be exactly like me!  Is that a bad thing or a good thing?  I failed to see the bad in it.

So we met and we both ordered hot chocolates and sat down to talk.  I guess I was a pretty good date because he asked me out for the next night- dinner and a movie.  As I drove home I had mixed feelings.  Aside from the fact that he looked better in his photo than in person, he seemed to be awfully quiet.  Even so, I was looking forward to date number two.  A chance to really get a feel for his personality.

So he picked me up at my house (a nice touch I might add) and I intentionally tried to stay a little more quiet.  I felt like on our last date I did most of the talking and that he didn't contribute much in terms of conversation.  I wanted to give him an opportunity to relax, open up, and talk to me. The problem is, things remained pretty quiet.

"Describe your personality," I told him.  He was confused. What did I mean?  "Well, you seem to be pretty shy..." I started.

"Oh," he quietly inserted, "I can be shy."

Silence.

"So tell me about yourself then.   I want to get to know you a little better."  He looked like he was uncomfortable with that. "Would you rather have me interrogate you?  I'm really good at questions," I suggested.  He smiled.  I waited.  I guess that's a yes.

"Tell me about the craziest thing you've done," I said.

He proceeded to tell me of a time several years ago where he was dating an Asian chick and she invited him to an Asian party.  He was the only white guy there and all of the Asians kept buying drinks for the "white guy."  He laughed.  He got really drunk and threw up five times.  I waited for the crazy part but the story was over.  Well that was disappointing.

"Okay, then tell me your most embarrassing story," I smiled. "Well... maybe not most embarrassing because no one wants to share that.  How about AN embarrassing moment."

"Throwing up those five times!" he laughed.  That's it? Really? Maybe this guy is so quiet because he's got nothing interesting to say.  He's boring.  Then he told me how everyone at his work was at least 20 years older than him and sometimes after work they'll go out for drinks and his coworkers will all buy him drinks.  "For the quiet guy," he added.  Oh great, they know him at work for being the quiet guy too?  Well maybe he's new and just not comfortable with them yet, especially since they're much older.  How long have you worked at Apple?  "Two years," he said. Yeah... that's not it then.

The rest of the date continued like that and once we sat down in the theater we didn't speak at all, which I guess is alright since you're supposed to be quiet anyway, but I'm used to at least commenting on the previews like, "Oh that looks good!" or "That's gonna suck" but there was nothing.  Just as well though.

As he was driving me back home I looked out the window, pretending to be consumed with the stars in the night sky or the homes we passed by, only to avoid feeling forced to generate more conversation to fill the awkward silence (which I'm sure he was used to).  

As he pulled up to my house he hugged me goodbye and asked, "Well, am I too shy and quiet for you?"

"Well that depends. How long does it take you to open up and start talking more?"

He chuckled, "I don't know."  That's it?!  That's all you're giving me?  A vague and crappy answer like that?  How am I supposed to know if the magic number is date number three, three months, or if this is just how you are all of the time?!  I thanked him for dinner and the movie and told him to drive safely back home and walked into the house a very disappointed girl.  Disappointed that my "Ding!" guy was really a dud guy.  That's okay though, I'm going bowling on Monday with a cop that wears cowboy hats to work, which at the very least, should make for another interesting blog, right?

DING!

Where's the Chemistry?!

Have you ever gone on a date where you wished you liked that person, but for some reason you just didn't? "He's got all the qualities I need and everything I want... so why am I not into him?"   Let me introduce you to chemistry: it's a bitch.  It's there when it shouldn't be and missing when you need it.

I went on two dates with Cameron.  They were... satisfactory.  He's an air traffic controller, he has his own place, he's a gentleman, he's decent looking, respectful, and polite. He called when he said he would, he drove to my area even when I offered to meet him halfway, he picked up the tab, and he opened the door for me (car included).  Without a doubt, he's a nice guy and I really like nice guys, so what was the problem??

The first date could have been better.  We were supposed to meet at a Mexican restaurant he had chosen. Surprise, it was closed.  Since he wasn't familiar with the area, I had to find another place nearby. We ended up eating somewhere my sister's boyfriend had recommended.

The date was alright. The conversation was decent, but I wasn't feeling a connection.  Throughout dinner he seemed to keep complaining about cheese.  I don't know why.   Cheese is awesome. I love cheese.  Who doesn't?  I'm even lactose intolerant and that doesn't stop me.  In fact, my next dating username will be CheeseLover.  But it seemed like Cameron was having cheese issues.  First it was the cheese in his tortilla soup.  It was giving him "problems," in other words, he couldn't get it on the spoon. Next it was too gooey.  Then it was in his chimichanga which threw him for a loop.  Then it tasted like velveeta.  Is that what macaroni and cheese is made with? Because that's DELICIOUS!  In any case, he proceeded to ask me about the cheese on my enchilada, which was fine by the way.  Lastly, he ended the date with, "Well it was nice to meet you," which made me think this would be our first and last date, which was okay with me.  Except he asked me on a second date.

I decided to go out with him the following week. He was a sweet guy, despite his possible cheese phobia, and I was willing to give him a second chance. Maybe the whole restaurant mix up made him stressed and nervous. This time he'll be more relaxed and comfortable.  Maybe we'll click.  We went out to dinner and a movie. I made it a point to ask him a lot of questions. I really wanted to get a sense of his personality- the key to chemistry.  Still, by the end of the date I just felt nothing.  He's a good guy and I wanted to like him, I truly did, but I didn't.  Why???

"Is he funny? Every time I'm not attracted to a guy, it's because he wasn't funny," my sister suggested. Hm... let me think... no, he wasn't particularly funny.  Is that why I wasn't attracted to him? Because he's not funny enough?  Ugh, what should I do?  Should I go on a third date with him?  One last chance to see if a spark can ignite out of nowhere.  It's date number two and the only feelings I have for him is guilt that I don't feel anything.   I decided to pass and I sent Cameron a sweet little goodbye text, and of course, he responded like the sweet guy that he is.

Once I told my mom that I had said goodbye to Cameron, she made me feel bad. She had me questioning my decision. She thought I should have gone on a third date, because Cameron seemed to be everything I was looking for.  Did I do the right thing?  I wasn't against a third date, I just didn't think it was necessary.  Not to mention, the thought of him moving in for a third date kiss did not generate good feelings with me.  That was definitely a bad sign. Yeah, I think I did the right thing, but I decided to call my dad for some reassurance.

I told him that Cameron felt like a guy I'd be paired with in an arranged marriage: Cameron is a real nice guy. He treats me well, he provides for me, and he's loyal. And when he wants to get intimate I just think of something else. But I know I'll grow to love him, because all he wants is to make me happy.

"Fuck that shit!!" my dad said laughingly.  My sister's response: If mom likes him so much, tell her to date him.

Since I was so confused about Cameron and our lack of chemistry, I decided to take a poll on Facebook and surprisingly I got a lot of feedback from both guys and girls! Here are the results:

How many dates must you go on before you can safely say that there is no chemistry?

Veronica: I'd say you definitely know no later than the 3rd

Nick: I'm with Veronica. If you're still feeling zero at date 3, forget it.

David: Between 1 and 3

Kevin: 2 dates

Lauren: 3... but sometimes you know right away!

Andrea: I am thinking 2

George: I'd say two... At least for me

Stephanie: One!

Layla: One

Stephanie: Change my answer! 15 minutes! Super. Real!

Layni: lol, this is a pretty good poll! hahaha Hmmm... it depends, I agree with all! But c'mon, no more than 3 dates!!! =)

Heather: Two, cause the first time it may just be awkwardness over a first meeting

Lizzie: Within ten minutes of the first date

Adam: I think 10 minutes is right

Iker: I agree with Lizzie

Obviously, chemistry is pretty important in dating. Hopefully, my next date comes with some. Otherwise, I'll settle for some good cheese.

New Year, New Enthusiasm

Happy New Year everyone!  I realize it's been a while since I've posted something and even longer since I've written about an actual date versus a conversation with a retard.  Anyhow, let me catch you up.

So, back in 2009 I was talking to two gentlemen. I was trying to schedule a first date with one and a second date with another (yes, that means there was a good first date!).

Mr. First Date's name was Aaron.  At the beginning of the week it was decided that we'd meet at P.F. Chang's for dinner on Saturday 12/19.  However, the day before our date he sent me an email saying he had to cancel because his mom had just informed him that she was throwing a Christmas party that night and would "kill him" if he didn't go.  He said he felt badly because he never flakes, but maybe we could reschedule for Monday or Tuesday?

I'm not sure if I'm buying this "last minute party" story. Only because I think it's rather unreasonable for a mom to expect you to drop everything for a last minute party invitation.  Plus, how do you not know about a family party that's important enough to warrant death threats?  Couldn't he go to the party after dinner?  I don't know.  In either case, Monday and Tuesday wouldn't work for me so I wrote back to Aaron saying neither day would work but to have fun at his party.  I never heard from him again.  I wonder if his mom followed through...

Mr. Second Date's name was Keith. I had gone out to lunch with him a month before but then he had relatives visiting from out of town and he was going on vacation so it took a while before he had time to schedule a second date.  We took a look at our calendars and decided that Saturday 1/2 would work for both of us.  Well the days passed and I didn't hear from Keith in regard to Saturday's plans. Saturday came and went and still no word.  Okay, so I guess I can scratch Keith off my list of possibilities.  Several days later I get a text from him apologizing for standing me up.  Apparently time got away from him and he didn't realize that our date night had passed.  Keith, you only work three days a week. How does time get away from you?  He said it was no excuse for not letting me know about Saturday.  He's right, it wasn't, so I didn't text him back.

So, with a new year I have renewed hope in finding someone who is boyfriend material, because let's face it, if I really wanted a boyfriend I could have one. However, that would require a downgrade from my last model and I'm looking to upgrade. I'm looking for someone who's got his shit together.  Someone who is already established and has a career (not just a job), someone who is responsible enough to pay his bills on time and not ask me for a loan, mature enough to realize he better save his money so he can buy Christmas gifts, and someone with enough morals to know that stealing from your employer is not an acceptable alternative.  And lastly, I'd like someone who can read those last two sentences and think, "Well... duh!" These qualities were missing in my last relationship, and although he had an incredible personality and we got along wonderfully, I know that I can do better and I will do better.  No longer does a sense of humor cut any ice, if you still have the mindset of a teenager and not a grown man then I have to bid you goodbye.

With that being said, since my membership to this dating site is about to expire, I decided to try out some other sites to see if there was something better out there. My good friend referred me to a free site, which I'm now a member of, and I also took advantage of a week long free trial at another site. So at one point in December, I was a member of three dating sites! How do I summarize the end of 2009?  IT'S RAINING MEN!  I guess that would explain why I didn't have time to write.

Today, I'm only a member of two. I was not impressed with the site that offered the free trial.  By the end of the trial, I was communicating with maybe five guys outside of the site, but the thing is, because I was not a paying member they wouldn't allow me to view anyone's photos.  I had no idea what these guys even looked like!  Needless to say, the first time I sent them an email outside of the website, I promptly asked for a photo.  Based off the photos I received, I ended all but one of the communications.  Hey, let's not kid ourselves, looks do matter.  I'm not going to date a muppet.  These guys had great personalities and all of the other qualities I was looking for, but I'm not attracted to a guy who looks like the stereotypical nerd you see on TV shows.  A guy who's a nerd at heart, that's cute, just don't look like one please.

Anyway, I have a date tonight (wish me luck), a potential date on Monday, and another date in the works! Let's just say 2010 is going to be the year of love... I can feel it!