Where's the Chemistry?!

Have you ever gone on a date where you wished you liked that person, but for some reason you just didn't? "He's got all the qualities I need and everything I want... so why am I not into him?"   Let me introduce you to chemistry: it's a bitch.  It's there when it shouldn't be and missing when you need it.

I went on two dates with Cameron.  They were... satisfactory.  He's an air traffic controller, he has his own place, he's a gentleman, he's decent looking, respectful, and polite. He called when he said he would, he drove to my area even when I offered to meet him halfway, he picked up the tab, and he opened the door for me (car included).  Without a doubt, he's a nice guy and I really like nice guys, so what was the problem??

The first date could have been better.  We were supposed to meet at a Mexican restaurant he had chosen. Surprise, it was closed.  Since he wasn't familiar with the area, I had to find another place nearby. We ended up eating somewhere my sister's boyfriend had recommended.

The date was alright. The conversation was decent, but I wasn't feeling a connection.  Throughout dinner he seemed to keep complaining about cheese.  I don't know why.   Cheese is awesome. I love cheese.  Who doesn't?  I'm even lactose intolerant and that doesn't stop me.  In fact, my next dating username will be CheeseLover.  But it seemed like Cameron was having cheese issues.  First it was the cheese in his tortilla soup.  It was giving him "problems," in other words, he couldn't get it on the spoon. Next it was too gooey.  Then it was in his chimichanga which threw him for a loop.  Then it tasted like velveeta.  Is that what macaroni and cheese is made with? Because that's DELICIOUS!  In any case, he proceeded to ask me about the cheese on my enchilada, which was fine by the way.  Lastly, he ended the date with, "Well it was nice to meet you," which made me think this would be our first and last date, which was okay with me.  Except he asked me on a second date.

I decided to go out with him the following week. He was a sweet guy, despite his possible cheese phobia, and I was willing to give him a second chance. Maybe the whole restaurant mix up made him stressed and nervous. This time he'll be more relaxed and comfortable.  Maybe we'll click.  We went out to dinner and a movie. I made it a point to ask him a lot of questions. I really wanted to get a sense of his personality- the key to chemistry.  Still, by the end of the date I just felt nothing.  He's a good guy and I wanted to like him, I truly did, but I didn't.  Why???

"Is he funny? Every time I'm not attracted to a guy, it's because he wasn't funny," my sister suggested. Hm... let me think... no, he wasn't particularly funny.  Is that why I wasn't attracted to him? Because he's not funny enough?  Ugh, what should I do?  Should I go on a third date with him?  One last chance to see if a spark can ignite out of nowhere.  It's date number two and the only feelings I have for him is guilt that I don't feel anything.   I decided to pass and I sent Cameron a sweet little goodbye text, and of course, he responded like the sweet guy that he is.

Once I told my mom that I had said goodbye to Cameron, she made me feel bad. She had me questioning my decision. She thought I should have gone on a third date, because Cameron seemed to be everything I was looking for.  Did I do the right thing?  I wasn't against a third date, I just didn't think it was necessary.  Not to mention, the thought of him moving in for a third date kiss did not generate good feelings with me.  That was definitely a bad sign. Yeah, I think I did the right thing, but I decided to call my dad for some reassurance.

I told him that Cameron felt like a guy I'd be paired with in an arranged marriage: Cameron is a real nice guy. He treats me well, he provides for me, and he's loyal. And when he wants to get intimate I just think of something else. But I know I'll grow to love him, because all he wants is to make me happy.

"Fuck that shit!!" my dad said laughingly.  My sister's response: If mom likes him so much, tell her to date him.

Since I was so confused about Cameron and our lack of chemistry, I decided to take a poll on Facebook and surprisingly I got a lot of feedback from both guys and girls! Here are the results:

How many dates must you go on before you can safely say that there is no chemistry?

Veronica: I'd say you definitely know no later than the 3rd

Nick: I'm with Veronica. If you're still feeling zero at date 3, forget it.

David: Between 1 and 3

Kevin: 2 dates

Lauren: 3... but sometimes you know right away!

Andrea: I am thinking 2

George: I'd say two... At least for me

Stephanie: One!

Layla: One

Stephanie: Change my answer! 15 minutes! Super. Real!

Layni: lol, this is a pretty good poll! hahaha Hmmm... it depends, I agree with all! But c'mon, no more than 3 dates!!! =)

Heather: Two, cause the first time it may just be awkwardness over a first meeting

Lizzie: Within ten minutes of the first date

Adam: I think 10 minutes is right

Iker: I agree with Lizzie

Obviously, chemistry is pretty important in dating. Hopefully, my next date comes with some. Otherwise, I'll settle for some good cheese.

New Year, New Enthusiasm

Happy New Year everyone!  I realize it's been a while since I've posted something and even longer since I've written about an actual date versus a conversation with a retard.  Anyhow, let me catch you up.

So, back in 2009 I was talking to two gentlemen. I was trying to schedule a first date with one and a second date with another (yes, that means there was a good first date!).

Mr. First Date's name was Aaron.  At the beginning of the week it was decided that we'd meet at P.F. Chang's for dinner on Saturday 12/19.  However, the day before our date he sent me an email saying he had to cancel because his mom had just informed him that she was throwing a Christmas party that night and would "kill him" if he didn't go.  He said he felt badly because he never flakes, but maybe we could reschedule for Monday or Tuesday?

I'm not sure if I'm buying this "last minute party" story. Only because I think it's rather unreasonable for a mom to expect you to drop everything for a last minute party invitation.  Plus, how do you not know about a family party that's important enough to warrant death threats?  Couldn't he go to the party after dinner?  I don't know.  In either case, Monday and Tuesday wouldn't work for me so I wrote back to Aaron saying neither day would work but to have fun at his party.  I never heard from him again.  I wonder if his mom followed through...

Mr. Second Date's name was Keith. I had gone out to lunch with him a month before but then he had relatives visiting from out of town and he was going on vacation so it took a while before he had time to schedule a second date.  We took a look at our calendars and decided that Saturday 1/2 would work for both of us.  Well the days passed and I didn't hear from Keith in regard to Saturday's plans. Saturday came and went and still no word.  Okay, so I guess I can scratch Keith off my list of possibilities.  Several days later I get a text from him apologizing for standing me up.  Apparently time got away from him and he didn't realize that our date night had passed.  Keith, you only work three days a week. How does time get away from you?  He said it was no excuse for not letting me know about Saturday.  He's right, it wasn't, so I didn't text him back.

So, with a new year I have renewed hope in finding someone who is boyfriend material, because let's face it, if I really wanted a boyfriend I could have one. However, that would require a downgrade from my last model and I'm looking to upgrade. I'm looking for someone who's got his shit together.  Someone who is already established and has a career (not just a job), someone who is responsible enough to pay his bills on time and not ask me for a loan, mature enough to realize he better save his money so he can buy Christmas gifts, and someone with enough morals to know that stealing from your employer is not an acceptable alternative.  And lastly, I'd like someone who can read those last two sentences and think, "Well... duh!" These qualities were missing in my last relationship, and although he had an incredible personality and we got along wonderfully, I know that I can do better and I will do better.  No longer does a sense of humor cut any ice, if you still have the mindset of a teenager and not a grown man then I have to bid you goodbye.

With that being said, since my membership to this dating site is about to expire, I decided to try out some other sites to see if there was something better out there. My good friend referred me to a free site, which I'm now a member of, and I also took advantage of a week long free trial at another site. So at one point in December, I was a member of three dating sites! How do I summarize the end of 2009?  IT'S RAINING MEN!  I guess that would explain why I didn't have time to write.

Today, I'm only a member of two. I was not impressed with the site that offered the free trial.  By the end of the trial, I was communicating with maybe five guys outside of the site, but the thing is, because I was not a paying member they wouldn't allow me to view anyone's photos.  I had no idea what these guys even looked like!  Needless to say, the first time I sent them an email outside of the website, I promptly asked for a photo.  Based off the photos I received, I ended all but one of the communications.  Hey, let's not kid ourselves, looks do matter.  I'm not going to date a muppet.  These guys had great personalities and all of the other qualities I was looking for, but I'm not attracted to a guy who looks like the stereotypical nerd you see on TV shows.  A guy who's a nerd at heart, that's cute, just don't look like one please.

Anyway, I have a date tonight (wish me luck), a potential date on Monday, and another date in the works! Let's just say 2010 is going to be the year of love... I can feel it!