Oh, Baby!

Sigh. It's times like these where I wish I wasn't so quick to delete some of the messages I receive. It's hard to remember just how weird some of these people truly are, and I'd like to do them justice. 

So, as you know I have two dating accounts. One is free and one is not. This close encounter took place on the free account. With that being said, at the end of your profile you're prompted to answer the question: You should message me if... 

Basically, since it's free, I'm a little more relaxed with what I post.  In this case, part of my answer says, "you've got to be taller than my younger sister." 

My sister is tall for a girl (5'9"), but average for a guy so I think it's a fair request.  Plus, something feels innately wrong about dating a guy who my "little" sister towers over, thus I refuse to do it.  I'm only 5'2" and one of the perks of being that height is that you can wear heels with virtually any guy and he'll still be taller than you... however, this is not the case with most of the guys who message me.  To be fair, once I gave it a shot and did go on several dates with someone who was *maybe* two inches taller than me.  It just felt weird.  When I hugged him my arms went around his shoulders instead of his waist, he didn't have to lean down to kiss me and I didn't have to stand on my toes to kiss him, and I never had to look up to talk to him.  I don't know, I just don't like it!  I want a guy who feels bigger than me, that I can feel safe around- physically, emotionally, etc.  And how I can feel safe around someone who's practically the same size as me?  If anything goes down, I might have to protect him!   Hey, I'm scrappy.  Don't underestimate me. 

Anyway, let me get back on topic. Often times, this "you've gotta be taller than my younger sister" becomes a conversation starter, which was the whole point. It's a nice way to tell a guy he's too short for me without using those words. Instead I'm saying, "My baby sister is taller than you!" lol Okay, I guess that's not much better.  So, this guy messages me and asks how tall my sister is- normal- followed by a little less normal....It went something like this:

So what if your sister is taller than me? Who cares? The only ones that matter in this relationship are you and me. No one else's opinion matters. I don't know how tall your sister is, and I don't care. You're just going to have to deal with it. I think you're beautiful and funny and I like what I see. I want to have babies with you. Deal with that.

When are we going to meet up? Do you come to the city often? Let's get this ball rolling.

Hold on a second.  Let me pick my jaw up off the floor.... Okay, got it.  Now, why the hell is he talking about me like I'm already his girlfriend and why is he talking about babies?!?!  Do guys just assume that the word "baby" is the key to our hearts and our pants? "OoOOoOo he said 'baby,' he must be real serious, he must love me!"  Yeah, I'm not retarded... but I am a little scared.  So what do I do?  I reply of course!!!

I think I wrote something to him about not driving to the city that often and when I do I'm always a passenger because it's scary driving through there. I followed that with a comment that reflected my disinterest in having kids at this moment, but instead suggested a life filled with puppies! 

This time I saved his reply, probably because I hoped he'd keep writing to me and this post would grow to massive proportions. It read:

Lucky for you, I have a car and I don't mind you riding shotgun all the time. You're such a pansy, driving in the city isn't that hard. :)

Yes, I want to have babies with you. I prefer puppies too. I just saw Marley and Me, so perhaps we get a dog first and then try to have kids.

So you live like 30 minutes from me... that's kinda manageable. Would you cry if you had to spend your weekends with me? 

This guy cracks me up. Now we've gone from being in a relationship and having babies, to being in a relationship, having a dog, then having babies, and me spending the weekends at his place.  Where did this guy get his crystal ball, because I think he should ask for a refund. 

In any case, I replied again but never got a response and he has since deleted his account.  Perhaps his fast moving lines worked on some baby hungry woman and by now they're shopping for cribs and crate training their lab.  Meanwhile, I'm still single and that's okay.  People who haven't read my blog sometimes ask me why I'm single.  If you've read it, the answer is probably clear as a bell, but if not then the best and simplest answer I can give them is that I haven't found someone who deserves me. I'm looking for something serious. Someone who's serious about me... Not someone who's seriously weird. Deal with it.

The Nerd

So it's been about a month since my last post and I've gone on several dates, but none of them are blog material because they've all been really good! And funny enough, they're with the police officer I mentioned at the end of my "Ding!" post. Anyway, I'm not going to go into detail about it because 1) I'm trying not to get too excited because after all, I went out with McHottie many times before he vanished and 2) you're not reading this because you want to hear about my good dates. Lucky for you, I do have some more "close encounters" to share.

First and foremost, let it be known that I like smart guys.  Second, I also like guys who are a little dorky too.  But, I don't like guys who have all of their test scores memorized.  That's just strange, sad, and A LOT too nerdy for me.

After the innocent, "Hey, how are you?" exchange with Sam, came this weird statement: "I'm intelligent and motivated. My IQ's over 145 and under 150.  I'm into technology and high tech stuff.  Thank you, Sam"

Hahaha why is he telling me his IQ? That's random and odd.  I feel like that's something your find on a sperm donor card when you're trying to decide which sperm you're going to impregnate yourself with.  Maybe it's a cultural thing.

I decide to ask him about the IQ score.  Apparently he takes an IQ test every year to see how he's improved.  He even tells me the name of the IQ test he takes.  I think this guy has too much time on his hands.  Then he tells me he's originally from East India but he's lived here for a few years now.  He asks how I know he's not from around here.  Is it because he likes tech stuff?

What the heck is that supposed to mean?  That Americans don't like tech stuff or it's too complicated for us?  Yes, I thought you weren't from around here because we Americans, especially those of us living in the Silicon Valley, don't like high tech stuff.  Whatever, I'm probably reading too much into it and really, what's the point? He lost me at his IQ score.

I respond: No, most people talk about tech stuff. I can tell you're from a different country because of your English. Take care and good luck to you! (Goodbye #1)

Sometimes writing to someone on a dating site reminds me of a horror movie. Just when you think the conversation is over and dead and it's safe to move on, it's resurrected.

He writes me back wanting to know how does his nationality make a difference and why is it influencing our chemistry.  I ignore him, but he persists.  His followup message has even more tests scores. Oh goody...

(Disclaimer: The English in this message has been modified because I found it annoying)

I took the GRE without any prep and I scored 520/800. That's in the 70th percentile.  Hang on, there's much more (Phew, I was worried for a second).  I scored 92/100 on the TOEFL.  What else would you expect me to be good at?  It's just because I wrote my profile in harum-scarum (What the hell is that?? I look it up. The dictionary says it means "reckless."  Whoa, now I think my IQ just jumped a point).  Well, I've been working in the United States for three years and nobody has ever commented on how I speak or write (Yeah, because they know it's your second language).  In fact, I sing rap all of the time. (Yes, because rap is notorious for proper English...) Now, I don't really have to give you an explanation, because I have other options, but since you seem to be a good match, I keep writing you.  Good luck in your search. (Goodbye #2)

Sigh. Well I didn't want to offend him and make him self-conscious about his English.  So I feel obligated to respond.  I tell him my disinterest has nothing to do with his ability to speak or write English.  I've gone on several dates with someone else now and it's been going well and I want to see where it goes. Take care and thanks for your interest! (Goodbye #3)

And in true horror film fashion...

"You are charming and I like you a lot and I'm impressed.  If you could give me a chance, you'll definitely find me interesting.  We could hang out on a weekend or have lunch sometime and let's see what you say then.  I know some messages were not constructive in the way they were addressed, but that doesn't reflect who/how I am and how I treat people. Looking forward to hearing from you."

I quit.